Klutzinator
by Clear Plastic
Summary: Bella is one of those pathetic, perpetually embarrassed poor souls who are destined for a lifetime of trips and accidents. So what havoc will Bella wreak when she becomes a waitress? Involves spilling piping hot liquids on a bronze-haired Adonis's crotch.
1. Klutzinator

**Klutzinator**

* * *

Before I start my story, picture this in your head very clearly:

You're walking down a street. It's a sunny, sunny day and there's a light breeze blowing in your face. You feel sexy and confident because you're wearing the brand new scarf and sweater you bought yesterday. You're in a wonderful mood. You're walking, walking when suddenly your foot catches on something and you pitch forward. The books you're holding in your hand fly out of your grasp. You let out a shriek and land face first into the hard paved surface. Papers scatter. Other people sidestep you and snigger, thanking all gods and deities that they aren't you. You groan in agony and pull yourself up, hurriedly picking up your ruined and damp books. You knee is grazed and bleeding. The hair you took an hour to perfect earlier on now resembles a leafy shrub. Your shoes are scuffed. Your dignity is wounded. The good mood is dissipated.

Sound familiar? No? Not even a little?

Then you're one of the lucky ones.

This scenario, my friend, is practically a daily occurrence for me. As you've probably deduced by now, I'm one of Those People. Those pathetically clumsy, perpetually embarrassed, hopelessly klutzy individuals you probably come across at least once or twice in your life.

I am one of those cursed people.

Clumsiness might not be categorized as a life-threatening disease but it might as well be. Every rock/pebble/crack/puddle/high-heeled shoe I see is a potential Dangerous Object I Will Most Probably Catch My Stupid Foot On. Or DOIWMPCMFO. I call them DeeOhs for short. You might think that I'm going a little overboard by actually naming them, but you'll understand better if you're constantly picking yourself off the floor, blushing furiously and muttering apologies to anyone you unintentionally harmed.

Anyone who knows me even vaguely instantly associates me with my clumsiness. As in, "Oh, Bella? You're talking about Bella Swan? The Klutzinator? Man, she broke my lava lamp into two a few days ago." Almost 70 percent of my various acquaintances or friends know me because I have either:

a. Spilt a liquid on them.

b. Set fire on something in their home/room.

c. Destroyed one or more of their belongings because of my ineptitude.

d. Caught my foot on something that belongs to them, example: their stray bag straps on the floor (I hate it when people do that), dog/cat, play swing, carpet, rug, shoes, toothbrush, toy… the list goes on and on.

e. Breaking one or more items of their cutlery or dishes.

f. Single-handedly ruining a project/task they undertake.

Basically, I'm a walking, talking disaster machine.

Everyone knows this. And they keep as far from me as possible. Just joking.

But seriously, I'm dangerous.

And my best friend, Alice Greene, should know full well that I cannot, repeat, CANNOT do anything that requires balance. My entire being is devoid of anything resembling balance.

Which is why I can't figure out why she wants me to work at some café with her.

As a waitress.

WAITRESS.

I flinch whenever I hear the word. Being a waitress, as everyone knows, involves navigating your way safely through a baffling maze of tables and chairs, all placed very closely to each other, while holding or even, God forbid, balancing (shudder) a trayful of edible goods or even liquids.

I cannot do it.

Impossible.

However careful I am, one of my legs will invariably find a way to hook itself around a chair or table leg. Imagine what havoc I would wreak if I ever became a waitress.

Apparently, Alice doesn't understand.

--

'Please please please!' Alice begged, eyes widening and hugging my knees, mock-sobbing. 'I'm begging you!'

'No no no!' I shook my head wildly, crossing my arms and pursing my lips. 'A waitress? Are you crazy? The day I become a waitress is the day Prince William flies all the way here to propose to me.' I snorted.

'You said you wanted a job, so I got you one!' Alice's eyes were going into overdrive. If I were a member of the elusive male species, I'd probably be a puddle of infatuated goo right now. Her spiky black hair, bright green eyes and overall pixie-ness did that to you. Sadly, the puppy dog eyes had no effect on me. 'They pay five bucks per hour!'

'I'll be kicked out within one.' I told her, standing up. 'Alice, I can't be a waitress.'

She visibly deflated. 'But it'll be so much more fun if we work together…'

'Couldn't you have chosen something else other than being waitresses?' I groaned, flopping down on the couch again and turning on the TV with a nudge of a remote control button. I flipped through channels. 'And why this particular café?'

'You know why.' Alice grumbled, sighing. 'Him…' a smile slowly spread across her features. 'Jasper Hale, twenty-five, six foot two, blue eyes, blonde hair, but most importantly, single.'

I couldn't help but guffaw. Jasper Hale had been the object of Alice's near-obsessive affections for the past few months. Ever since Alice found out that Jasper went to this particular café last month she'd been clamoring for a job there too. I just never thought that she'd rope me along as well. Then I groaned again. 'You're making it harder for me to say no.' I complained. 'But I stand resolute!' I raised a fist. 'I will not succumb to your pleas!'

'Shut up.' Alice threw a pillow at my face, laughing. We both settled into a giggly mass on the comfy sofa. Alice and I shared a tiny apartment on the fifth floor. We'd been friends since we were shitting in our diapers. No kidding.

We were silent for a moment, watching the gorgeous Patrick Dempsey in his blue scrubs on TV.

'Please?'

'No.' I didn't take my eyes off the TV.

'Please?'

'No.'

'Please?'

'No.'

'Pleeeeaaasee?'

'No.' as if stretching the word out would make the prospect of being a waitress more attractive. Pssh.

She tried a different tactic.

'Will you or will you not work at the café with me?'

'I will not.'

'You sure?'

'Yes.

'Very very sure?'

'Yes.'

'Isabella Swan. Do you disagree or agree to not get hired as a waitress without me or not?'

'Er…' I thought for a while. How mind-boggling. I doubted even Alice herself knew the answer to that question. '…I agree?'

'Ha!' Alice crowed, pointing at me. 'I got you!'

'Oi!' I tackled her to the ground. 'What I meant was no! No! No!'

'Damnit!' Alice whined. 'Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?'

'No.'

'Stop being so negative!' Alice advised. 'Who knows, you might get lucky, right?'

'Get lucky?' I asked distractedly, already getting up and cuddling up to a milk-stained cushion.

'Your clumsiness might miraculously disappear, who knows?' Alice said, lying down on the floor and looking up at the cracked plaster ceiling of our apartment.

'Ha! If only that would happen.'

'It might!' Alice pressed on.

'Alice, you and I both know that. Is. Never. Going. To. Happen.'

We were both silent again.

'You said yes just now.' Alice pointed out.

'You know what I meant to say.'

Alice grabbed a cushion off the sofa and buried her face in it. 'I really need you there, Bella.' she said quietly. 'You know how huge my crush is on Jasper.'

'Sort it out yourself, then.' I said, and I immediately felt guilty.

'It won't be as much fun without you around, though.'

'Mm-hmm.'

'I've already asked the manager, he said he'd be happy to hire us both.'

'Of course he would.'

'Imagine how lonely I'll be there.' Alice let out a tired breath. I held back a derisive snort. I knew Alice well enough to know that the moment her eyes latched on to the tall, attractive figure of Jasper Hale they would never unhook themselves.

'Just try it. It might be fun. You never know.'

I stayed silent, thinking. I subconsciously reached for a large, steaming mug of Ovaltine on a worn coffee table in front of the sofa, and promptly upset it. The hot liquid spilled and rapidly spread all over the table. I just stared at it. Luckily I'd already downed three-quarters of it. Alice simply handed me a terry cloth she kept nearby and I mopped it up.

'Fine…' I said reluctantly.

Alice sat up, back ramrod straight. 'Really?' she could barely keep the exultance out of her tinkly voice.

'Yes.' I sighed.

'Ohmygosh! I love you love you love you so much.' Alice jumped up and gave me an enormous hug, shivering with anticipation, head filled with images of Jasper. 'I promise you won't regret it.'

Ten seconds into my decision and I already was.

--

Seven o'clock.

In the morning.

Alice, the peppy one, had been up and bustling at six. I, on the other hand, had to be shaken awake by her. I'd climbed out of bed reluctantly, dreading my brand-new job. What a contrast we made right now: a sullen, grumpy, birds' nest haired Isabella Swan, klutz extraordinaire and a bright, cheery, chirpy Alice Greene, face glowing and a waitress-y smile already pasted on her face. The neon _Café / Bar_ sign just sent me further into misery.

'I'll be opening in a few more minutes.' the manager, a jolly-faced middle-aged man told us, the newbies. 'Emmett will be here to guide you.' he pointed to a huge, muscly man with a shaved head somewhere by the coffee bar, whistling as he whirred up the coffee grinding machine. 'I have three other waitresses working her, you can ask them questions if you have any problems at all.'

Alice nodded energetically, twisting her apron around her jittery fingers. The manager gave me a worried look. I couldn't blame him. Who'd want a stormy-faced waitress serving their beloved customers?

'The kitchen's back there.' he pointed a beefy finger towards the direction of a set of wooden double doors in the far corner of the huge café. 'A bell will ring if there's any food waiting to come out. If your order's only for drinks, bring your slip to Emmett. If there's both drinks and food, write them on separate slips and give them to Emmett and the kitchen respectively. If it's only for food, give them only to the kitchen.'

He moved towards the double doors, pushing them open. There were only two drowsy people there in the clean, shiny chrome kitchen. 'After you get your food orders, poke the slips through these little hooks over here.' the manager gestured to a few evil-looking hooks protruding through the mint green wall.

'We usually get more orders for coffee and tea in the morning, so the kitchen's rather empty now.' he explained, mustache bristling. 'Understand?'

Alice had been nodding so hard throughout his whole explanation that I feared she would be transmogrified into her own bobblehead there and then. 'Yeah, yeah.' I waved a hand, giving him a smile. 'We got it.'

He didn't look convinced. I bet he's having second thoughts about hiring us now.

Then again, so am I.

The manager walked away, and unlocked the Plexi-glass doors of the café. Alice and I backed into the shadowy corners of the café, like the manager had told us to. _No one likes overeager waitresses hanging around, waiting for you to order, _he'd said. _Walk rapidly and purposefully towards your customer if he or she is looking around for you. Observe the customer._

Several other waitresses joined us, looking smart in their uniforms. I looked down at my own matching get up. It was reasonably okay, I suppose. Black tee with their logo on it, casual black jeans and a green apron.

'Hey,' Alice whispered to her neighboring waitress, who had her hands in her pockets, chewing BubbleYum.

'Hi. New?' she asked succinctly. 'Lauren.'

'Alice. That's Bella.' she pointed at me. Lauren gave us both acknowledging, polite nods.

The very first customer walked in.

My palms were already sweating. I rubbed my palms against my apron, leaving an unsightly stain on the crisp, green cloth. Lauren gave me a dirty look. I shrank away. God.

Two other girls were standing beside Lauren. One was decidedly stunning, in full makeup and tall and lithe, the sort of girl you expected to find on a runway. Somehow, she managed to pull off all that makeup without looking like a cheap hooker. Beside her was a bubbly Alice-clone with wild brown curls, tapping her feet against the smooth floor.

'You're supposed to have your hair in a ponytail.' The tall blonde girl tapped her own bouncy hair. 'Short hair is excused.' she added to Alice, who's arm had shot up to her short locks, eyes widening in panic.

I fished around in my pockets for a stray hair band and hurriedly tied my hair up.

The customer, a businesswoman in a sleek black suit sat down, pulling a laptop out and she looked around. 'I got this.' the curly-haired brunette said, and she made her way over to the customer's table, order pad and 2B pencil in hand.

My own pad was already curling at the edges, I'd been fingering them in anxiety. My pencil had already been chewed up by me, too.

'Relax.' Alice reassured me, giving my hand a squeeze.

Instead of answering her (I didn't trust my own voice), I watched enviously as the curly-haired brunette gracefully avoided making contact with any tables or chairs, finally coming to a stop at the customer's table. She pulled out her pad and her lips moved, talking to the customer.

I looked down at my black Converses.

Not. Feeling. Good.

My vision swam.

I was nervous.

Screw it, I was terrified. The fear that was currently coursing through my veins was the sort of fear you felt when a thousand guns were being pointed at you. The sort of fear you felt when a crazed murderer was just about to swing an axe into your flank. The sort of fear you felt just before you got a full-body wax. And believe me, those hurt.

I was going to embarrass myself in front of everybody, I was sure.

Customers trickled in.

'The blonde is…?' I heard Alice ask Lauren.

'Her name's Rosalie. The other's Jessica.' Lauren answered.

My heartbeat roared in my ears. My vision swam. The floor tilted beneath my feet.

Alice kept a close lookout for a certain blonde man.

My feet were numb.

Finally, the café was a quarter-full. I glanced at a square clock on the opposite wall. Twenty minutes past seven. I couldn't believe it. Only fifteen minutes had passed?

'Aren't you going to get some orders?' Alice, returned to the shadowy corner after serving her first customer. Her cheeks were red with excitement. Lucky her.

'I'll be going any minute now.' I managed. The other waitresses, having noticed my apparent reluctance at doing my job, were giving me looks, especially Lauren. She seemed to get along just fine with Alice, though.

The café was filling up with chatter.

'OHMYGOD.' Alice whispered/screamed as quietly as she could. I glanced towards the front doors, and my suspicions were confirmed: Jasper Hale and another male friend had just walked through the front doors.

Alice was practically hyperventilating.

I could _feel _her shaking beside me.

'Go on.' I gave her a nudge.

Alice walked a few steps. Then she backtracked. 'I can't.' Alice said, stricken.

'What?'

'You go!' Alice pushed me. Rosalie, Alice and Lauren were looking at us, cocking their heads towards the newcomers. _Take their order_, Rosalie whispered, red lips glimmering. I couldn't help but notice that when she bent down slightly to place a white mug on an old man's table, the sicko stared right at Rosalie's generous cleavage.

'I can't go!' Panic lurched.

'Go!'

Alice pushed, and I stumbled. I was out of the shadowy corner now. A few people had looked up to see what the commotion was about. I gripped the order pad very tightly. I felt it crumple. My palms were soaked.

The tables in front of me seemed to double in numbers.

The two men were sitting down now at Table 24. One of them was indeed Jasper, and the other was a gorgeous, bronze-haired man. All the more reason not to go there. I get rather tongue-tied around hot guys.

Well, it's now or never.

I took a deep breath, and took my first step, trying to squeeze past two tables. I shut my eyes, and wiggled the best I could. Nothing happened. No crashes, no loud complaints, no one protesting.

Yet.

So far so good.

The two customers were still pretty far away. I carefully inched my foot past a table leg, making sure it didn't stray. Then the other leg.

I laboriously lugged my two feet across the café, feeling dizzy.

Nothing happened.

I shakily proffered my pencil and the order pad, silently thanking the gods, known and unknown, for this timely miracle. 'Can I take your order?' I asked weakly towards the two men. Both of them were looking at me amusedly. It's what most people view me as, though. A source of amusement in their everyday dull lives. A beacon of hilarity at someone else's expense.

'Took you a while, eh?' the bronze-haired one said cheerily. He was even more handsome up close. I blinked. His eyes were really, really shiny.

'Um.'

'Two strong coffees.' the other man, Jasper, said in a more calm, measured voice. I couldn't see how Alice thought Jasper and her were made for each other. They were both polar opposites. I pictured them both together in my mind. Alice, a mere five foot one, would look positively microscopic next to Jasper. I wonder--

'Hello?'

I blushed, embarrassed. 'Sorry about that. Um, two strong coffees it is.' I hurried away, forgetting to be careful. My hip collided with someone else's chair and the person sitting on it lurched forward, choking on the bagel he was munching on. 'Mmmpghh.' he coughed.

'Damn it-- sorry sorry sorry,'

I walked carefully away.

'Two strong coffees.' I told Emmett, who immediately went to work at the coffee grinding machine. I was feeling dizzy with luck - back and forth this hazardous café without a single trip (I didn't count the bagel choking incident) was unheard of in my world.

A few minutes later, Emmett gave me the two white mugs. I gripped them securely, turned around and stared determinedly at Jasper and his very hot friend. They were still staring at me. Jasper had a calculating stare, his friend had a mischievous, almost wolfish stare. Even all the way from here I could see his eyes glinting with interest.

Alice, who was collecting a few empty plates, tore her eyes away from Jasper long enough to give me an encouraging thumbs up. Lauren, on the other hand, was giving me a surprisingly venomous stare. She was shooting daggers from all across the room. I averted my eyes.

I moved one step forward.

The brown frothy liquid in the mug jiggled. I could see my reflection in the coffee. The ripples in the accursed coffee seemed to twist my features, and an evil, demented Bella grinned back at me, saying silently _you can't make it, you pathetic little creature. Just give up now, why don't you?_

Another step.

The coffee threatened to spill over.

I had no idea how long I took to get to Table 24. I triumphantly held out the two coffees like I had just won an Olympic event. 'I did it!'

'Thank you very much.' the bronze haired one.

I bent down slightly to place them on their tables.

And then disaster struck.

Of course.

* * *

**Author's Note:** This is only going to be a two-shot/three-shot, if anyone was wondering :D


	2. Coffee Soaked Crotches

**Author's Note: **Thanks a lot to everyone who managed to review. Here's to the next chapter!

* * *

**Coffee-Soaked Crotches

* * *

**

Have you ever seen anyone trip on TV or in a movie at the cinema?

Yeah, they usually make it seem like when people fall, everything moves in v-e-r-y s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n. You see the expressions on the actor's or actresses' face contort in terror or horror as they slowly tumble to the ground. Trust me, they're all lying. I've had enough falls to speak from experience. Very good experience, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

Truth is, when you fall, everything moves so fast that you don't even know what's going on until you're lying spread-eagled on the floor, gasping.

Which is exactly what happened.

A whirl of hair, a flurry of confused shrieks, next thing I knew, the two coffees had mysteriously disappeared from my sure grip and I was sprawled on Table 24, befuddled. There was some shrieking. A lot, actually. There was some guffawing and mean sniggering, too. I think I may have mentioned this before, but I get that a lot. The sniggering, I mean.

I lifted my head, a serviette embossed with the café's logo sticking cheerfully to the left side of my face.

'Bella!' someone said angrily.

I looked to my right, still trying to catch my breath and struggling to detach myself from Table 24. My heart sank and settled somewhere around the depths of my gaseous stomach. One coffee had, as luck would have it, spilt all over me. I was completely soaked. Even my hair was dripping with coffee.

The second coffee, I'm afraid to say, had evidently landed on the bronze-haired demigod's lap.

'Sweet Jesus!' he'd jumped up from his seat, with a very, very surprised look on his face, with little traces of anger. There was a large, conspicuous dark stain on his lap - though, to be more accurate, I'd have to say the coffee had landed smack-bang on his crotch. His privates. His crown jewels. And the coffee was still hot.

I guess this redefines the phrase, "burning loins".

And to think the only way I could have made this hottie have burning loins for me was to spill coffee on him.

Damn, I'm pathetic.

Some random, completely detached part of me wondered, "I wonder how he feels now? Does it hurt as much as getting a good, swift kick in the crotch?"

Every single person in the café was looking. Even some nosy pedestrians outside on the pavement were staring with their damned noses pressed up against the windows, laughing their asses off.

'I'm so, so, so sorry.' I babbled an apology, but I don't think anyone heard me.

'I do apologize on behalf of my colleague, Mister.' a flustered Lauren quickly handed the hottie a box of tissues, and he began to soak up the coffee, letting out quick, shallow breaths.

'Oh, my God.' Alice murmured in my ear, half torn between laughing and scolding me. 'Coffee. Crotch. Not good.'

Jasper, on the other hand, was laughing so hard his hands were wrapped around his sides, as though he was trying to keep himself together. 'Oh my God.' he managed, tears streaming down the corners of his eyes, before letting out another peal of infectious snorts.

'Shit shit shit shit.' I muttered under my breath, completely numbed. Well, there goes my flourishing (hah!) career as a waitress. Goodbye, five bucks an hour pay. To think I couldn't even make it to a half-hour without getting fired. What an all time low.

'Wipe him!' Lauren hissed, shoving a dry cloth at me. 'What a lousy, clumsy little bitch-'

'Hey, she didn't mean it.' Rosalie soothed Lauren, giving me a kindly look. 'Accidents happen. Come on, go back to what we were doing, Bella'll sort this out.' she shooed Lauren away.

Agitated, cheeks on fire and dignity wounded beyond repair, I turned to the hottie. He was sitting down now, still gingerly patting his damp crotch in a worried way and giving his friend Jasper an absolutely filthy look.

'I'm so sorry.' I repeated my earlier apology, almost crying.

'It's okay.' the hottie let out small, measured breaths. 'It doesn't hurt as much now.'

I knelt down, realizing a little too late how awkward this would be.

'Mommy, that woman is touching his--' a child cried out in fascination, only to be hastily cupped over the mouth by his apologetic mother.

My cheeks were a heat generator of their own as I tried to do this as quickly as possible. Wipe, wipe, soak, soak. Jasper, if it was possible, laughed even harder. Thankfully, people stopped staring.

I really, _really _didn't want to feel anything jutting out from beneath his pants. Damn, how embarrassing would that be?

Instead of acting like a normal person and looking away in another direction while I quickly dried his groin, the hottie actually stopped squirming and observed me as I did my… um, work, purposely keeping his eyes on me. His unrelenting stare burned holes into the back of my head.

Wow.

Can you say uncomfortable?

'All done!' I hurriedly stood up, nearly upsetting the table in the process. 'Argh - sorry.' I steadied the table.

'An elegant one, aren't you?' the hottie said cryptically. I wasn't really sure what he meant by that. I paused. 'I'm sorry.' I repeated again. 'Do me a favor - try and forget this ever happened.'

'Trust me, he's never going to forget this.' Jasper reassured me with an insanely bright twinkle in his blue eyes.

'Too right.' the hottie said dryly.

'Of course, our management would be most willing to compensate for this most unfortunate incident.' a peppy and chirpy Lauren suddenly appeared out of nowhere, directing her sunny smile towards the hottie. In an instant, I knew why Lauren had shot that look at me when I was serving Jasper and his friend. She liked him! She liked the bronze-haired guy! 'Say, two extra coffees on the house? We'll throw in some pancakes too.'

Hmmph.

'Thanks very much.' the hottie have Lauren a nod.

'Bella, you get the coffees.' she beamed at me, obviously not wanting to show her true side in front of this hottie right here.

'So…' I said, face burning and perspiring rather like a whore in a church. 'Another two coffees?'

'That would be nice.' the hottie grinned.

--

'I cannot believe I made it out alive.'

The moment Alice opened the doors to our apartment I collapsed on the trusty sofa, relishing its comfortable softness. It had been a long, long, _looong_ day. I might have still been alive but I certainly didn't make it out completely unscathed. In the space of approximately eight hours (me and Alice took the morning and late afternoon shift), I'd managed to:

a. break exactly four mugs.

b. jam the coffee grinder when Emmett asked me to take over for a bit while he nipped over to the toilet.

c. majorly piss off Lauren, and I suspect Jessica too.

d. trip over my own shoelaces and go crashing into the kitchen, surprising the kitchen staff very much.

e. injure a man's sexual organ (I don't think I'll ever manage to forget that, no matter how hard I try)

f. spill gravy all over myself when I was serving someone's chicken chop during the afternoon.

g. knock over five chairs and two tables.

h. tug down some heavy drapes. In my defense, I was trying to keep myself from falling on an elderly customer and possibly breaking my own leg.

i. crash into Lauren not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times when I wasn't looking properly. Pity the trays she was holding didn't fall.

j. accumulate a surprising number of bruises and cuts on my legs and arms.

'Me neither.' Alice admitted. She was in a glum mood; after Jasper and his friend had finished their coffees and pancakes they left and didn't return for the entire day. 'I knew I should've just grabbed my chance and went to serve them myself instead of asking you to do it.'

'I wish you'd did that too.' I sighed, kicking off my Converses and wiggling my sore toes.

'There's always tomorrow, I suppose.' Alice mused.

'Yeah. Oh God, tomorrow. Another eight, torturous hours. Forty bucks isn't even worth it, Alice.'

'You'll survive.' Alice promised.

I didn't believe her in the slightest.

'Lauren doesn't like you at all, does she?' Alice observed, hands on her hips.

'Dunno what's _her _problem.' I grumbled. 'Ouch!' I'd accidentally nudged my battered left leg against a coffee table leg. 'That hurts like hell.' I gave Alice a baleful glare. 'You do know that I'm doing this just for you?'

'I know! I still can't thank you enough.' Alice bubbled.

'I swear, the minute you and Jasper get acquainted, I'm walking out those doors.'

'The doors you put a crack in when you were trying to avoid hitting a customer and smacked into them instead.' Alice reminded me.

'Oh my God. Forgot about that one.'

'I can only be thankful that it was his friend you spilt coffee on, and not Jasper.' Alice gave a delicate shudder, snorting with laughter. 'You should've seen the look on your face, Bella. It was like this-' she contorted her face, widening her eyes in mock horror and tongue lolling out.

'I did _not _look like that. I almost wished I spilt it on Jasper, though. I bet that guy'll hate me forever.' I said miserably. I mean, not that I'd fallen head over heels with him or anything, it just that… well, who'd want a completely smoking hot male to dislike you?

Instead of reassuring me like a normal friend would, Alice collapsed into fits of uncontrollable and insane giggles. 'His dick! Oh God, his dick! I'll have a hard time forgetting that one.'

I began laughing weakly too. 'D'you think it's permanently damaged? I mean, what if I've permanently erased his ability to reproduce? What if it just sizzled under the hot coffee and… dunno, flopped dead? Incapable of erections? What if I killed it!?' I sat upright in horror of the implications of my clumsy actions.

'Dunno…'

'What if the coffee smell still stays, no matter how hard he scrubbed?'

Alice began howling with laughter again. 'Blowjob… coffee… flavored…'

I got the gist of what she was trying to say and I giggled too. 'Ew.'

Alice wiped her eyes. 'Cheer up, Bella. Things'll be better tomorrow, trust me.'

And stupidly, I did.

--

**The next day, 10.24 a.m.**

It was _not _better.

In fact, it got worse.

After Lauren had told the boss how horrible I was at being a waitress, he'd decided to sit down on a chair and watch me for the entire morning, with an ominous-looking bright green clipboard in his hands. Every minute or so he'd scribble something down furiously.

Needless to say, I was reduced to a gibbering wreck. With all this added pressure I tried to perform better. I might have been better, but not by much. My feet were still sore from yesterday, and it make walking even worse. I'd resorted to hobbling everywhere around carefully, keeping my hands glued to my sides (so that they wouldn't flail around and invariably knock something down), avoiding DeeOhs left, right, centre.

Jasper and his friend hadn't come yet, and Alice's spirits were down, too. Trust me, it takes a lot to get Alice down. It's like seeing Paris Hilton sitting at home on a Saturday night in sweats and digging into a pint of Ben and Jerry's, or seeing Mother Teresa kick a half-dead, roadside beggar. It just didn't happen.

I was trying to get an omelet and baked beans combo to Table 13 when the door tinkled, an indication that another customer had come in. I glanced up for a moment, and saw that it was the hottie again, this time without Jasper. He was delicious. Utterly delicious. He was wearing aviator sunglasses and a black suit with a white shirt underneath. He was undeniably the epitome of male perfection. A gaggle of teen girls stared openly as he walked by, their lipstick-ed mouths gawping. I looked down again, face on fire. Please don't let him recognize me, please don't let him recognize me…

In that instant that I'd decided to look at him, I lost my concentration.

'Arghh-' bumping into a table, a glass of orange juice wobbled dangerously and a woman's indignant hand shot out to steady it. 'Sorry, sorry -' I apologized, and slammed into someone who was just getting out of his seat. The omelet and eggs tilted. I let out a shriek. 'Shit, damn-' my legs inevitably tangled together, and I fell.

Another movie comparison is in order, I think. You've probably seen this kind of scenario before - boy walks by, girl is flustered and trips, boy somehow manages to catch girl in arms before girl tumbles down to the floor.

Yeah, that doesn't happen in real life, either.

I did get flustered when he came in and I did trip, but the hottie would have to be in possession of wild superpowers to catch me in time.

'ARGH.'

I dropped like a ton of bricks, right in front of him. He'd made an attempt to catch me, and promptly missed. I sailed right through his hands and landed with an audible thump.

Ouch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jessica and Lauren roll their eyes expressively. Instead of coming to my aid like they would've done yesterday, they went on with what they were doing.

I picked myself up sheepishly. The omelet and baked beans had, amazingly enough, landed smack bang in the middle of a window, with the squashed omelet and baked beans facing outside. Some stray baked beans were already sliding lazily down the glass. A pack of transfixed and delighted Japanese tourists were snapping pictures in awe.

Someone tugged my arm up. I let myself be pulled up tiredly.

'I apologize on behalf of my colleague, sir.' Alice said ruefully. 'You're not hurt?'

'No, not this time.' he let out a blinding grin, one of those wicked smiles that said, I'm-hot-and-I-know-it. I was surprised half the café didn't immediately bow down in reverence at his scorching manliness. Damn.

He moved a little, and the sunlight hit his hair. It was then that I realized his hair was the exact shade of a penny.

'I'll clean up.' I sighed.

'Is your friend coming any time soon, by any chance?' Alice asked hopefully.

He looked surprised. 'You mean Jasper?'

'Yeah.'

'No, not today, I'm afraid.'

Alice slinked away without so much as a goodbye. Wow, she really was down.

The guy lowered his aviator sunglasses, and green glinted. Are those contacts? There's no way on earth that anyone can have irises in that color. It's so unnatural. 'It's you again.'

'Yes.' I said shortly. Well, can you blame me? I've just spent the whole morning being shouted at, bumping into things, tripping, injuring others and generally making a huge fool of myself. I almost have a _right _to be grumpy.

He glanced at the ruined omelet and baked beans. They were sliding more and more rapidly down the window now, leaving a disgusting trail of red slime. 'I think that needs some cleaning up.'

I picked up the cracked plates and returned with a dirty rag, feeling lower than ever. I swear, if it weren't for Alice…

The guy was already sitting down at Table 7, aviator glasses clipped onto his white shirt, dragging it down a little. I could see the elegant curves of his neck and just how perfectly sculpted it was. His skin was nearly as pale as mine. On any other guy it would've looked weirdly milky but on him it was perfect. Like the rest of him.

He caught me staring and a slow smile spread across his face. I internally rolled my eyes. Overconfident and womanizing.

I furiously wiped off the baked beans slime off the window, grunting with frustration. Rub, rub, rub…

'Whoa, careful, you're going to break the glass.' a voice brought me out of my reverie. I slammed the cloth down and glared daggers, breathing ragged and rapid. He looked taken aback. 'Sorry, it's just that you were rubbing so hard.'

I let out a growl of frustration. 'Anything else you'd like to comment on?'

He didn't say anything in return, he only looked at me with a perfectly arched eyebrow, expression pensive.

Exhale.

Inhale.

'I'm sorry.' I muttered my 15,368,827,649th apology of the day.

He nodded. 'Your job frustrating you?'

'How'd you know?'

'Well, there's no easy way to put this but… you're a shitty waitress. So I kind of guessed.' he shrugged, leaning back in his chair, the corners of his mouth curving upwards in a devastating smile.

I didn't even blink. 'Thanks for being straightforward, I guess. But, believe it or not -' my voice dripped with sarcasm. '- I already know that.'

'What's with the temper?'

'Okay, imagine you're in my shoes.' I placed both hands on the table, leaning down. 'You're very clumsy, you've been forced into being a waitress by your best friend because of some love thing she has going on, your worst nightmare is balancing something in your hands while trying to dodge fucking tables and chairs. Your boss is threatening to fire you. You feel completely lousy and inadequate and inept and god knows what else. What would YOU do?'

I was on the verge of tears at this point. I could only imagine what this guy thought of me now: first I scald his groin, then I tell him everything I'm going through even though we don't know each other in the least. 'I'm going to quit anytime soon, anyway.' I added as an afterthought.

Instead, he reacted in a way I expected the least: 'Your friend is having love problems?'

'That's not really any of your business.' I sort of regretted that I'd told him about that.

'Sit down…' he squinted at my name tag, which was pinned to me left breast. '…Isabella. Swan. Isabella Swan. Nice name.'

'It's Bella.' I said automatically. _Huh. He said my name was nice._

'Bella.'

'And I can't sit down anyway, it's against the rules or something. My boss will have a coronary.' I tilted my head towards my boss, who was staring at me with his little beady, piggy eyes. The clipboard was quivering with anticipation, almost daring me to have the audacity to sit down with a customer and ignore my duty.

Well, why not?

I pulled out a chair noisily and sat down defiantly with a loud thump. The smile on his face grew bigger. Weird.

'You know your friend Jasper?'

'Yeah.' his expression changed. 'You're interested in him?' his voice altered slightly.

'Oh no, not me.' I said quickly.

'Oh.' he contemplated this for a while. 'It's your friend that likes him, right? The spiky-haired one?'

'Yeah. But don't tell him! It's supposed to be a secret.'

'I see. Tell me why you're a waitress.

I didn't know if it was the genuinely interested expression in his eyes, or the fact that I would really get myself into trouble if I sat down any longer, or even the fact that I haven't had a guy been even slightly interested in me in two years, but I told him everything.

'So… Alice is really, really obsessed with your friend Jasper. She knows that he comes here nearly every single day. She knows how tall he is, what food he likes, what drinks he usually orders, what's his favorite beer… yadda yadda yadda.' I waved my fingers. 'So she decided to work here, just to get closer to him, and she convinced me to work along with her. So, you already know how atrocious I am at this job. I've broken three plates, four mugs, upset no less than ten customers, pissed off two waitresses that work here, jeopardized my job… you know, the usual.'

'Wow.' he let out a small guffaw.

'So now I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.' I slumped in my seat.

'Listen, about Jasper…' he paused for a while. He looked even more beautiful up close. His green eyes were also flecked with a sort of butterscotch yellow, deep and rich. 'Would you want me to help your friend out with him?'

'You'd do that?'

He gave an enthusiastic nod. 'I'm always telling him how much he needs a girlfriend right now. His last one broke his heart, you see.' he put on a comically grave expression. 'And a year later he's still refusing to see anyone else.'

'I don't know if Alice would want me to do that, though.' I hesitated. 'She might get angry at me if anyone else knows.' my heart sank. I really, really shouldn't have told him about Alice's crush.

Damn.

He must have seen the regret on my face, because the next thing he said was, 'Don't worry, I won't let anyone else know. My lips are sealed.

'I'll make sure he comes tomorrow.' he promised. 'That much I can do, eh?'

'Thanks…' I said slowly. Is this really a good idea?

'You know, you're more interesting than I thought you would be.'

Before I could properly process what he just said, he glanced at his watch. 'Whoops, I'm late.' he didn't specify for what.

'Oh shit, sorry, you didn't even have time to order anything.' I slapped my forehead. 'Damn, I really am terrible.'

He let out a chuckle. 'Too right you are. I'll be seeing you around.'

He stood up, slipped on those damnably hot aviator sunglasses again and disappeared out the front door, giving me a little wave from outside as he went, bronze hair glinting in the sunlight.

I stood up, feeling much more relaxed after having poured everything out to a virtual stranger. My boss was no longer in the corner making little notes about my performance. _Good,_ I thought internally. I hope he fires me.

I went into the kitchen to get a new rag, almost colliding into Lauren. 'Whoops. Sorry.' I muttered, eager to be out of Lauren's way.

'You'd better stay away from him.' she gave a breathy hiss, hands twitching as though she'd very much like to strangle me. I took a cautious step back, raising an eyebrow. Her eyes were blazing with anger and… something else I couldn't quite place.

She walked away.

Then it hit me. Was Lauren talking about that bronze-haired guy?

Huh.

And I didn't even know his name.

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**Author's Note: **Just a random question: is everyone's e-mail inbox here flooded with e-mails? And are about ninety-three percent of them from fanfiction dot net ? Haha, I currently have 8,274 e-mails in my inbox. I stopped bothering to delete them a long time ago. :D

Review!


	3. Mr Big Sitck

**Author's Note: **Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reviewed! Every review gives me the fuzzies inside… (:

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I'll tell you another thing I don't like about (most) movies I've watched before: cheesy and clichéd romances in which the girl falls in love with the guy at first sight, or vice versa. Example: when guy/girl walks into room, when guy/girl flicks shiny hair, when guy/girl lock eyes, when guy/girl dance together, and these sickening scenes are almost always accompanied with equally cheesy music. It makes me gag.

Which was probably why I thought Alice's crush on Jasper was just a passing phase. I certainly didn't expect Alice to sit at the coffee bar all morning (she was lucky wasn't there), face propped up by both her hands, gazing and staring at his handsome, sharply angled face and floppy blond hair, eyes following his every move. As if I couldn't see him myself, Alice kept giving me a play-by-play commentary on what he was doing.

'Isn't he adorable?' she asked dreamily, absent-mindedly chewing her upper lip. 'Look, look, Bells… he's flipping another page of his dinky paperback!' she sighed, melting in her seat. That paperback must have been a might interesting one if Jasper couldn't notice a vertically challenged, pixie-like, love-ridden twenty-three year old woman staring holes into the back of his head. Really, not even a scantily-clad prostitute amongst a sea of nuns could've been more conspicuous than Alice Greene right here. I almost felt sorry for Alice. If this what was love was like, then count me out.

I nodded, not really listening. 'Mmm. Interesting.'

'Oh my God! He's scratching that gorgeous chin…' Alice hissed as quietly at she could, practically bouncing in her seat. She looked as though she was in her own happy, blissful Alice World, where not even a gigantic puffer fish thrown at her could prick her bubble.

I, on the other hand, had been in a stormy mood all morning. I was three hours into my third day as a waitress and I was pissed. Very much so. I suspect the only reason Mr. Beefy Boss didn't want to fire my ass was to see me suffer agonizingly. And I certainly did. Getting yelled at by your fellow colleagues and acquiring a fresh new injury every few minutes is so fun.

Bah.

'Your friend's got it bad.' Rosalie, who was passing by, gave Alice an amused glance. Said Alice was babbling, '…and I just love the shape of his nostrils, they're so curved and elegant. I wonder what he smells like? What cologne he uses? Do you think he'd think I was weird if I went up and just sort of, I dunno, discreetly smelt him? I really…'

'Don't I know it.' I sighed, slumping down on the countertop of the coffee bar.

'Ah, love.' Rosalie said, smiling a little. I noticed a little wistfulness to her smile.

'You sound as though you want love too.' I teased lightly, tugging on my fringe. I'd accidentally dipped it in a pot of sugar a few moments ago and now it's abhorrently sticky.

'Kind of.' Rosalie confessed.

I was astonished. I'd thought Rosalie would already be in a committed relationship, gorgeous as she was.

She blushed a little, looking at my mildly surprised expression. 'Unexpected?'

'A little.' I admitted.

She placed herself on a high stool beside me. Her shirt hitched up a little and I noticed, going filthy green with envy, that not a single roll of fat materialized when she sat down, leaning forward. I pinched my own belly ruefully.

'I just can't find the right guy, that's all.' she explained, red lips curving up into a small, slightly bitter smile.

'Hah! You're kidding me! Have you ever looked in a mirror?'

'That's exactly the problem! Guys only want me for my physical attributes.' Rosalie smiled wryly. 'I can't count the number of bastards I've dated that only want to get into my friggin' pants. They don't care about _me_. To them I'm just some sex object. They don't want to listen to what I have to say. People just pass me off as some dumb, self-absorbed blonde, but I am _not. _I want to meet someone who listens, who thinks my opinion matters, who knows that when I say three sugars, I actually mean two.'

I fell silent, absorbing this. Huh. I never thought Rosalie would have any trouble bagging a man. This was new. 'I suppose you're right. So now you're waiting?'

'I'm waiting.' Rosalie nodded, blowing out a tired breath.

'Join the queue.' I said gloomily, thinking of my own lack-luster love life. I thought back to the last time I had some. The memory chamber of my brain whirred. Wow. That's a long time. I glumly spread my legs, looking between them for any dusty cobwebs.

'I've actually already found one.' Rosalie offered shyly.

'Oh.' I paused. 'Then… let me guess, he's attached?'

'Naturally.'

'As always.' I gave her a sisterly pat on her back. 'He'll come to you eventually.'

'If only.' Rosalie shot a fleeting glance behind me, but I didn't bother to follow her gaze. I rearranged my apron and continued staring blankly at the café doors, waiting for some customers to walk through.

Jasper was already standing up, looking around. I nudged Alice, and she froze. Again.

'It's your second chance.' I reminded her.

She stood up shakily. Buoyed by the silent thumbs-ups of approval Rosalie and I were giving her, she wobbled over to Jasper's table, barely looked at him in the eye, and collected his empty mug and money as he walked out, whistling a merry tune.

Alice was ecstatic when she returned. She was still holding Jasper's stained-brown mug. 'OHMYGOD.' she summarized her entire experience in one phrase that said it all. I laughed. 'You did it!'

'You go, girl.' Rosalie grinned.

'Just imagine…' Alice raised the mug to eye level, peering at the rim in sheer reverence and adoration. 'Jasper's lips once touched this cup. His beautiful, soft, supple, _sexy _lips.'

There was a slight silence.

Okay, this was a little to stalker-ish for me. I was freaked.

'Erm, Alice…' I began. 'Please don't tell me you're going to keep that cup and smell the rim whenever you're alone.'

Alice gave me a shocked stare, which quickly morphed into mild consideration. 'You know, that's not a bad idea--'

'Eugh!' I snatched the cup away from her. 'Jasper is unhealthy for you.'

'I'll take that,' Rosalie took the mug away from me and quickly sent it to the kitchen for a good washing before Alice could claim it as her own.

'It's becoming an obsession.' I told her, disapproving.

'Okay, maybe…' Alice acceded reluctantly.

'Maybe… you shouldn't be so fixated on him?' I suggested tentatively.

'You think so?' she asked anxiously. 'Am I appearing over-eager?'

I stared. 'Over-eager? Alice, you were bordering on being a possible psycho.'

Alice buried her face in her hands. 'I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?' her expression looked so morose that I refrained from telling her the truth.

'Not really. Just… tone it down a little?'

'Okay, then.'

And I continued staring at the double doors of the café, waiting for someone to walk through so I could occupy my time with something. Today was rather slow; customers were trickling in instead of the usual horde. I grunted in frustration.

Okay, maybe I wasn't being completely honest when I said I was in a bad mood because my job was getting worse - or rather, I was getting worse at my job. It pains me to admit this, but I might just be a teeny bit disappointed that Mr. Bronze from yesterday didn't come. Just a little. Tiny shred of disheartenment, nothing major.

I heaved a sigh, ruffling my overly long fringe.

As if on cue, Mr. Bronze waltzed through the glass doors, looking utterly breathtaking.

And suddenly, my day just got a lot better,

He was a hundred percent flawless male. I swear, even Lauren, who was walking by at the time, stopped dead in her tracks just to stare, jaw slack. I doubted I looked much better. I bet the only female who wasn't completely entranced was, predictably, the infatuated Alice.

I wonder how it feels like: being so darned attractive that every woman you come across swoons at your gorgeousness?

The only thing I didn't like about him was the girl clutching his left arm, looking like she couldn't quite believe she'd managed to land Mr. Bronze. Come to think of it, I wouldn't have been any different, either.

He pulled out a chair for the girl first (chivalrous!) before seating himself at Table 2, smiling at her. Even though the smile clearly wasn't meant for me, my heart juddered. Sad, isn't it?

'What the hell is she doing with _him?_' Lauren voiced my thoughts, squinting in disgust. For once, we were united, though she was decidedly more vocal.

Was this how Alice felt when she saw Jasper?

All of a sudden, I was revolted with myself. What was happening? What happened to me? I wasn't the sort of girl who turned into a giggly mess when faced with a hot, sexy guy. I wouldn't let myself become one. Honestly, I don't even know his name and I'm suddenly interested.

Even so, my distaste at myself didn't keep me from observing Mr. Bronze and the girl (his girlfriend? Urgh, Bella, stop it).

I hurried up to the table, taking out my notepad. I was so repulsively eager that I even forgot to watch out for DeeOhs. I ended up catching my apron on a table and I was jerked back, the neck strap of the apron nearly choking me. I turned bright red and tried to untangle myself, mentally cursing my infernal bad luck.

'So, what is it you guys'll be ordering today?' I placed my pen jauntily on the notepad, and tried to ignore my tiny pangs of jealously. My eyes immediately zeroed in on the way one of her hands was entwined around his. Urgh. Lucky, lucky girl. 'We have several lunch specials today.'

'Oh. Hey, Isabella Swan, right?' I saw a brief flash of recognition in his clear eyes. I cannot believe it. Just because he remembers my name does not mean I have to get this stupid fluttering feeling in my stomach, right?

'Yeah.' I ignored the feeling and concentrated more on the girl. She was smiling so hard I feared her cheeks would rip.

'I'll have the beef steak thing.' she waved her fingers, far too distracted to care about meals when Mr. Bronze was sitting opposite of her. I can only imagine.

'Rare, medium rare, or well done?'

'Whichever.' she replied vaguely. 'The second one you said.' she was rather pretty, with clear, translucent skin and coppery hair, with green eyes too, though her eyes could never take on the luminous and hypnotic quality of Mr. Bronze's own eyes.

'Oh…kay.' I scribbled it down, hiding a small smile.

'Bella. I'll get the lamb steak with black pepper sauce. Thank you very much.' he said formally, giving me a little wink. I paused, uncomfortable. Suddenly, the girl was paying much less attention to Mr. Bronze and started glaring at me, clearly saying with her eyes, _leave us alone, can't you see we're sharing a lovely romantic lunch and you're definitely not part of it?_

I got the message.

I walked away, ripped off the paper I'd just scribbled on and poked it through a random hook in the kitchen. I suppose it had been rather stupid of me to think I ever had a chance with him, however slim. Also, I should've known that he would be undeniably attached. I mean, just _look _at him.

Damn, he's prettier than _me._

How's _that _for depressing, I ask you?

--

They take an agonizingly long time eating their lunch. It's rather repellent to watch but I do so anyway. They feed each other and gaze into each other's eyes, as though no one exists but the both of them. The girl gives him nauseating pet names (luckily, Mr. Bronze doesn't seem to have any pet names for the girl), like: 'Eddie Weddie' and 'Ed Ed' and 'Banana Muffin' and once, 'Mr. Big Stick'. I don't even want to know where 'Mr. Big Stick' came from. Though it is mildly arousing. Heh. I get the feeling he doesn't like the pet names much, though - he flinches ever so slightly whenever she used one in that gushy, over-the-top way of hers.

From what I can gauge from the pet names, I'm guessing his name is either Edmund, Edmond, Edward, or even plain old Eddie. Lauren, who joins me in watching this hideous spectacle, told me his name was Edward.

In fact, we actually join forces and sit together, side by side a few yards away, muttering away about them.

'I mean, she's not even that pretty.' Lauren complained, a little grin on her face. 'She's too short for him, for instance. And that Juicy Couture top is completely hideous.'

'Totally.' I agreed. Lauren could be quite fun, it turned out. Especially as a Bitch Partner. 'Her legs are way too milky. I mean, hello, ever heard of a tanning bed?'

Of course, I don't really mean all this. If you're a girl, you should know just how fun harmless bitching and gossiping with your favorite girlfriends can be.

In reality, the girl (I've mentally christened her Red) is tall, lithe and willowy. Her top is okay, nothing special, and her legs are to die for.

'He can do w_aaaay_ better than her.' Lauren mused. 'Like me, for instance.'

'Hah! As if he'd go for you. The moment he breaks up with her, he's going to come after _me_.' I elbowed her in her ribs, and she fell over laughing. Red looked over, narrowed her eyes and returned back to her conversation with Edward.

Mr. Big Stick.

I doubled over giggling, feeling better than I ever had all day.

--

I stood nervously in front of Mr. Boss, twisting my apron around my fingers. It's the end of my shift, and I'm getting ready to go home. Or, at least I was, until Mr. Boss told me he had something fascinating to tell me. Figures, when I actually start to enjoy work, I get fired.

Well, I haven't exactly been fired yet, but I can tell from the grave expression Mr. Boss is trying to put on his face. He's not succeeding much. So far he looks like a constipated piglet. Oink oink.

'Isabella.' he began, sitting down on Table 22 with his fingers interlaced. I joined him nervously. I wait for the inevitable "Bella, you're fired. Now get your ass out of my café, bitch".

It doesn't come.

Alice waited anxiously by the kitchen doors, already changed into her casual clothes and ready to go.

'Bella.. I'm not satisfied with your performance so far. No, I'm not.' he shook his head. I stayed silent.

'You get flustered easily, you're excessively clumsy, you don't work well under pressure… well, the list could go on and on.' he waved his beefy fingers casually. I still didn't say anything. Getting fired is never a pleasant experience.

'The thing is, Bella…I've come to a decision.'

I held my breath.

'I've decided to give you a second chance.' he smiled widely, as though pleased with his own generosity. 'I think you have some potential, Bella…so a second chance is apt. Two more days, and I'll see.'

'Thank you.' I managed, feeling short of breath.

'Tonight, you take the night shift.' he told me, standing up. His protuberant buttocks were evidently too much for the chair he was sitting on to handle, though. The chair behind him promptly keeled over,

'Night shift?'

'Dinner. Our bar is open tonight. There'll be plenty of customers. Jessica, who was supposed to cover it tonight, is unwell. So you'll be taking her place.'

I hesitated. Night shift sounded kind of fun.

'Prove to me just how good of a waitress you can be, Bella. And maybe I'll reconsider.' he gave me a brief nod and excused me.

I joined Alice, taking my duffel bag from her. I told her everything on our walk back home. Alice and I are ecstatic at first.

Then the horror sinks in.

I picture a bar in my head. It's dark, it's gloomy, it's filled to the brim with customers, especially rowdy men wanting beer. In the dark, it's going to be harder for me to walk around. I imagine there's going to be karaoke. Lots of it. I group it all together: noisy, dark, confusing, crowded. The ultimate death trap for a klutz like me.

Oh God, what have I agreed to?

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**Author's Note: **Review! Hee hee. :D Mr. Big Stick will be in the next chapter, too. So stay tuned, wee!


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